如何自行改写雅思小作文低分作文

各位烤鸭们，大家好。

上周五的雅思写作专题, 以C4-T4－Task1为例，为大家详细解读雅思小作文的内容要求和写作方法。想必大家已经知道雅思小作文到底要我们写什么。艾玛老师给大家总结了一串话，帮助大家记忆小作文要做到的几点内容：

主语对象标题找，主要数据筛选好；

总体趋势一定要，如果多图必对照；

衔接词要用巧妙，段落句间不能少；

语法基础要打牢，时态动词把握好；

用词用句多思考，尽量避免重复绕。

今天，给大家带来的内容是——如何改好低分小作文。

请大家自行翻阅C4-T4-Task1（P168）的5分范文：

对于此篇考生作文，考官评语如下：

The response is under-length (138 words). The candidate reports the key information in the first graph i.e. that visits to and from the UK increased and that the increase in visits from the UK was more marked than that of visits to the country. In the bar chart the information is also reported accurately. However, the references to are confusing to & dollar, suggesting that the candidate has not fully understood the information given, and there is little attempt to relate the two diagrams or to make comparisons across the information given.

There is a brief introduction to the topic, with and attempt to paraphrase the rubric; the overall reference, however, resulting in a considerable amount of repetition of key vocabulary.

There is a fairly narrow range of sentence types and errors occur in verb formation and in the use of tense.

简单总结下来该文章扣分的主要原因：

1. 字数不够

2. 信息点和信息之间的连接不准确，因为没看懂图表

3. 两个图的对比不够充分

4. 重复次数过多

5. 句式缺乏多样性，语法错误多

针对考官给出的评语，我们对原文进行一个修改和升级：

A line graph, combined with a bar chart, shows us statistical information regarding the number of people traveling to or from Britain during 1979 and 1999 as well as the popularity of 5 different destinations for the British respectively.

In 1979, the amount of travelers both to and from the UK start similarly around 10 million, and show a steady increase to 15 and 20 million separately in approximately 1986. From then on, however, visits abroad by UK residents go up dramatically, reaching 52 million in 1999 while the figure of foreigners coming to the United Kingdom rise continuously but less significantly, ending at about 28 million.

France is the most attractive place for British citizens with as many as 11 million visitors in the single year of 1999, followed by Spain that attracts almost 10 million people. In contrast, less UK residents choose to go overseas to America, Greece and Turkey by only 4, 3 and 2 millions respectively in the given year.

Overall, although a growing number of people come to UK or leave it for other places, a greater amount of British people tend to travel abroad. In addition, they prefer relatively nearer destinations like France and Spain to America, Greece and Turkey.（206words）

通过上面对雅思考官的评语的解析以及对低分作文的改写，相信大家对雅思小作文的要求和评分标准有了更深的理解。欢迎大家持续关注每周五的【雅思写作】

教师介绍

中文名：李阳  英文名：Emma 

  主讲：

•      雅思听力

•      雅思口语

•      雅思写作

雅思总分7.5    听力 9.0   口语 7.5   写作 7.0

毕业于天津财经大学，获得文学和经济学双学士。英语专业八级。授课风格清新活泼，课堂内容妙趣横生。善于总结考试规律，洞悉学生备考中的问题，给出学生最直接有效的提分方法，根植考试，深入浅出。教授雅思四年来，成功帮助大量考生短期内提高写作和口语成绩。学生口中的艾玛老师，女王大人。

更多雅思留学资讯请关注天津本地权威雅思留学微信公众号：goIELTS 

* 注：本文为天津新东方教师原创，转载请标明出处及链接，谢谢！